How does Christ look at me?
How should I look at other people?
Monday, August 15, 2011
Learning to listen. Learning to rest. To be still. To be to the point when talking.
What am I really trying to say?
Do I need tell you this...that?
"Only when you listen, you can create."
"A man's silence is wonderful to listen to."
"...the best way to serve the world is by following your own bliss and listening to your own heart."
Listen to the inner light;
It will guide you.
Listen to the inner Peace;
It will feed you.
Listen to the inner Love;
It will transform you,
It will divinise you,
It will immortalise you.
Discernment is learning to listen to and trust your natural knowing.
The most called-upon prerequisite of a friend is an accessible ear.
True silence is the rest of the mind; it is to the spirit what sleep is to the body, nourishment and refreshment. ~William Penn
An inability to stay quiet is one of the most conspicuous failings of mankind. ~Walter Bagehot
Listening is an attitude of the heart, a genuine desire to be with another which both attracts and heals.
Do I need tell you this...that?
"Only when you listen, you can create."
"A man's silence is wonderful to listen to."
"...the best way to serve the world is by following your own bliss and listening to your own heart."
Listen to the inner light;
It will guide you.
Listen to the inner Peace;
It will feed you.
Listen to the inner Love;
It will transform you,
It will divinise you,
It will immortalise you.
Discernment is learning to listen to and trust your natural knowing.
The most called-upon prerequisite of a friend is an accessible ear.
True silence is the rest of the mind; it is to the spirit what sleep is to the body, nourishment and refreshment. ~William Penn
An inability to stay quiet is one of the most conspicuous failings of mankind. ~Walter Bagehot
Listening is an attitude of the heart, a genuine desire to be with another which both attracts and heals.
Thursday, August 4, 2011
Discipline. Structure. Commitment.
Somethings are just plain hard for me. Things that I don't want to do. Doing what needs to be done and not what I want to do....like right now when I should be studying.
I am feeling so free today having not taken my medicine. I do have to question whether or not it is ok to be so dependent on caffine. But that is also something I can work to cut down on over time I guess.
I am learning and growing a lot. And its good that I am pushing myself and not being complacent. Living a life that is all over the place.
I think we need some element of disciple. We need time for God to have open doors but we also need structure too I think.
I'm excited to see where this next year takes me :)
I am feeling so free today having not taken my medicine. I do have to question whether or not it is ok to be so dependent on caffine. But that is also something I can work to cut down on over time I guess.
I am learning and growing a lot. And its good that I am pushing myself and not being complacent. Living a life that is all over the place.
I think we need some element of disciple. We need time for God to have open doors but we also need structure too I think.
I'm excited to see where this next year takes me :)
Wednesday, August 3, 2011
Adderall, Addiction, Dependence?
I. Am I an addict? Defining addiction
A. Pleasure and enjoyment originally sought—Initial phase
B. Involvement becomes needed to feel normal
C. The addictive cycle
1. Emotional addiction
a. Emotional or social comfort or excitement
b. Feels better for a time
c. Uncomfortable situation or wants stimulation—unthinkingly connects
relief with the act
2. Mental addiction
a. Needs to cope with emotions
b. Collected friends who also like to do the act
c. Fit in socially, needs to commit act
3. Phsical addiction
a. Body and mind become addicted
b. Tolerance more stimulation
c. Perform act more often
d. Guilt, withdrawal
II. My personality—addictive tendencies
A. Exercise/not eating
B. Drinking—not doing well, drinking away pain/not dealing
C. So busy, distracting myself—coping mechanism for not thinking/dealing with things
D. Thriving off adventure; new experiences
III. Types of addiction
A. Abusing alcohol
B. Love addiction
C. Drug addiction
D. Exercise addiction
IV. Connection between addiction and idols
I. Adderall
A.What does the Bible say about it?
B.Giving it away
C.Monitoring my dosage/intake
II. What excites me
A. Adventure
B. People
C. Connections
D. Fun
E. Sports
F. Music
G. Dancing
H. Light
I. Truth
J. Goodness
K. Holy Spirit
V. Everything I need in Christ Alone?
A. Ultimate enjoyment in Christ
B. Not in sports
A. Pleasure and enjoyment originally sought—Initial phase
B. Involvement becomes needed to feel normal
C. The addictive cycle
1. Emotional addiction
a. Emotional or social comfort or excitement
b. Feels better for a time
c. Uncomfortable situation or wants stimulation—unthinkingly connects
relief with the act
2. Mental addiction
a. Needs to cope with emotions
b. Collected friends who also like to do the act
c. Fit in socially, needs to commit act
3. Phsical addiction
a. Body and mind become addicted
b. Tolerance more stimulation
c. Perform act more often
d. Guilt, withdrawal
II. My personality—addictive tendencies
A. Exercise/not eating
B. Drinking—not doing well, drinking away pain/not dealing
C. So busy, distracting myself—coping mechanism for not thinking/dealing with things
D. Thriving off adventure; new experiences
III. Types of addiction
A. Abusing alcohol
B. Love addiction
C. Drug addiction
D. Exercise addiction
IV. Connection between addiction and idols
I. Adderall
A.What does the Bible say about it?
B.Giving it away
C.Monitoring my dosage/intake
II. What excites me
A. Adventure
B. People
C. Connections
D. Fun
E. Sports
F. Music
G. Dancing
H. Light
I. Truth
J. Goodness
K. Holy Spirit
V. Everything I need in Christ Alone?
A. Ultimate enjoyment in Christ
B. Not in sports
Under the Mud.
Nobody really likes to go deep. Who wants to stop and look deep within to see what is going on. It’s hard. It hurts. It’s uncomfortable.
But what happens when we don’t--when we live our lives on a surface level, only experiencing things in an external sense and never looking at its effect on us. What happens when we really fail to live? Where is the meaning of life in that?
We must be conscious of our thoughts and actions and of how we live our lives. Is this the life I want to live? Am I being the person that I was created to be? The best person that I can be? It’s hard to discover who you are. I think that it is a life process—something that is always changing and never ending.
We need to be living and learning. We need to be doing. But also at the same time, we need to be constantly evaluating our lives, our actions, our values.
Our lives inevitably affect those around us. Because of our fallenness and brokenness, we are sinful, selfish, and broken people. So often I am trying to fill my own needs that I fail to stop and really think about the needs of others.
I ask that my life would be Spirit-led and not Flesh-led. Christ-centered not self-centered.
But what happens when we don’t--when we live our lives on a surface level, only experiencing things in an external sense and never looking at its effect on us. What happens when we really fail to live? Where is the meaning of life in that?
We must be conscious of our thoughts and actions and of how we live our lives. Is this the life I want to live? Am I being the person that I was created to be? The best person that I can be? It’s hard to discover who you are. I think that it is a life process—something that is always changing and never ending.
We need to be living and learning. We need to be doing. But also at the same time, we need to be constantly evaluating our lives, our actions, our values.
Our lives inevitably affect those around us. Because of our fallenness and brokenness, we are sinful, selfish, and broken people. So often I am trying to fill my own needs that I fail to stop and really think about the needs of others.
I ask that my life would be Spirit-led and not Flesh-led. Christ-centered not self-centered.
Done with the drinking and drugs.
Last drink: Sunday, July 31
Last adderall: Monday, August 1
Drinking causes me to lose myself. My values. Makes me self-focused, not Christ-focused. Violent. Lose my value with men.
Adderall makes me run on false energy. Keeps me up late. Gives me less natural sleep and energy.
Last adderall: Monday, August 1
Drinking causes me to lose myself. My values. Makes me self-focused, not Christ-focused. Violent. Lose my value with men.
Adderall makes me run on false energy. Keeps me up late. Gives me less natural sleep and energy.
Knowing Me.
We are all wired differently. The basis and standards that we live by are specific to each of us. We can't always assume that because something is beneficial to one, it is beneficial to all. Here is a list. A list of what I've come to know and see about myself.
What is good/honest/uplifting/godly for me?
- Talking about my issues/problems
- Quiet time
- Prayer with God
- Good sleep
- Extroverted activites by day
- Introverted activites at night time: guitar, painting, reading, writing, cleaning, movies
- God-focused. Christ focused.
- Love through obedience.
- Family
- Church
- Finding christian community
- Slowing down
- Activity
What is dangerous/harmful/sinful?
- Going out
- People pleasing that puts me in harms way
- Drinking
- Smoking cigarettes/ pot
- Lying
- Cheating
- Manipulating
- Keeping stuff in
- Focusing on myself
- Searching for a husband
- Not eating
- Over indulgance/eating
What is good/honest/uplifting/godly for me?
- Talking about my issues/problems
- Quiet time
- Prayer with God
- Good sleep
- Extroverted activites by day
- Introverted activites at night time: guitar, painting, reading, writing, cleaning, movies
- God-focused. Christ focused.
- Love through obedience.
- Family
- Church
- Finding christian community
- Slowing down
- Activity
What is dangerous/harmful/sinful?
- Going out
- People pleasing that puts me in harms way
- Drinking
- Smoking cigarettes/ pot
- Lying
- Cheating
- Manipulating
- Keeping stuff in
- Focusing on myself
- Searching for a husband
- Not eating
- Over indulgance/eating
Sunday, July 24, 2011
Who They Say "I Am?"
So I've been looking up all this personality stuff. I am a 7. I am an ESFP.
"Sevens are extroverted, optimistic, versatile, and spontaneous. Playful, high-spirited, and practical, they can also misapply their many talents, becoming over- extended, scattered, and undisciplined. They constantly seek new and exciting experiences, but can become distracted and exhausted by staying on the go. They typically have problems with impatience and impulsiveness. At their Best: they focus their talents on worthwhile goals, becoming appreciative, joyous, and satisfied."
Basic Fear: Of being deprived and in pain
Basic Desire: To be satisfied and content—to have their needs fulfilled
Key Motivations: Want to maintain their freedom and happiness, to avoid missing out on worthwhile experiences, to keep themselves excited and occupied, to avoid and discharge pain.
Adventurers are energetic, lively, and optimistic. They want to contribute to the world.
How to Get Along with Me
Give me companionship, affection, and freedom.
Engage with me in stimulating conversation and laughter.
Appreciate my grand visions and listen to my stories.
Don't try to change my style. Accept me the way I am.
Be responsible for youself. I dislike clingy or needy people.
Don't tell me what to do.
What I Like About Being a Seven
being optimistic and not letting life's troubles get me down
being spontaneous and free-spirited
being outspoken and outrageous. It's part of the fun.
being generous and trying to make the world a better place
having the guts to take risks and to try exciting adventures
having such varied interests and abilities
What's Hard About Being a Seven
not having enough time to do all the things I want
not completing things I start
not being able to profit from the benefits that come from specializing; not making a commitment to a career
having a tendency to be ungrounded; getting lost in plans or fantasies
feeling confined when I'm in a one-to-one relationship
In order: Sanguine, choleric, melancholic, phlegmatic
Right brained.
"Sevens are extroverted, optimistic, versatile, and spontaneous. Playful, high-spirited, and practical, they can also misapply their many talents, becoming over- extended, scattered, and undisciplined. They constantly seek new and exciting experiences, but can become distracted and exhausted by staying on the go. They typically have problems with impatience and impulsiveness. At their Best: they focus their talents on worthwhile goals, becoming appreciative, joyous, and satisfied."
Basic Fear: Of being deprived and in pain
Basic Desire: To be satisfied and content—to have their needs fulfilled
Key Motivations: Want to maintain their freedom and happiness, to avoid missing out on worthwhile experiences, to keep themselves excited and occupied, to avoid and discharge pain.
Adventurers are energetic, lively, and optimistic. They want to contribute to the world.
How to Get Along with Me
Give me companionship, affection, and freedom.
Engage with me in stimulating conversation and laughter.
Appreciate my grand visions and listen to my stories.
Don't try to change my style. Accept me the way I am.
Be responsible for youself. I dislike clingy or needy people.
Don't tell me what to do.
What I Like About Being a Seven
being optimistic and not letting life's troubles get me down
being spontaneous and free-spirited
being outspoken and outrageous. It's part of the fun.
being generous and trying to make the world a better place
having the guts to take risks and to try exciting adventures
having such varied interests and abilities
What's Hard About Being a Seven
not having enough time to do all the things I want
not completing things I start
not being able to profit from the benefits that come from specializing; not making a commitment to a career
having a tendency to be ungrounded; getting lost in plans or fantasies
feeling confined when I'm in a one-to-one relationship
In order: Sanguine, choleric, melancholic, phlegmatic
Right brained.
The Enthusiast
Healthy Levels
Level 1 (At Their Best): Assimilate experiences in depth, making them deeply grateful and appreciative for what they have. Become awed by the simple wonders of life: joyous and ecstatic. Intimations of spiritual reality, of the boundless goodness of life.
Level 2: Highly responsive, excitable, enthusiastic about sensation and experience. Most extroverted type: stimuli bring immediate responses—they find everything invigorating. Lively, vivacious, eager, spontaneous, resilient, cheerful.
Level 3: Easily become accomplished achievers, generalists who do many different things well: multi-talented. Practical, productive, usually prolific, cross-fertilizing areas of interest.
Average Levels
Level 4: As restlessness increases, want to have more options and choices available to them. Become adventurous and "worldly wise," but less focused, constantly seeking new things and experiences: the sophisticate, connoisseur, and consumer. Money, variety, keeping up with the latest trends important.
Level 5: Unable to discriminate what they really need, become hyperactive, unable to say "no" to themselves, throwing self into constant activity. Uninhibited, doing and saying whatever comes to mind: storytelling, flamboyant exaggerations, witty wise-cracking, performing. Fear being bored: in perpetual motion, but do too many things—many ideas but little follow through.
Level 6: Get into conspicuous consumption and all forms of excess. Self-centered, materialistic, and greedy, never feeling that they have enough. Demanding and pushy, yet unsatisfied and jaded. Addictive, hardened, and insensitive.
Unhealthy Levels
Level 7: Desperate to quell their anxieties, can be impulsive and infantile: do not know when to stop. Addictions and excess take their toll: debauched, depraved, dissipated escapists, offensive and abusive.
Level 8: In flight from self, acting out impulses rather than dealing with anxiety or frustrations: go out of control, into erratic mood swings, and compulsive actions (manias).
Level 9: Finally, their energy and health is completely spent: become claustrophobic and panic-stricken. Often give up on themselves and life: deep depression and despair, self-destructive overdoses, impulsive suicide. Generally corresponds to the Bipolar disorder and Histrionic personality disorder.
Level 1 (At Their Best): Assimilate experiences in depth, making them deeply grateful and appreciative for what they have. Become awed by the simple wonders of life: joyous and ecstatic. Intimations of spiritual reality, of the boundless goodness of life.
Level 2: Highly responsive, excitable, enthusiastic about sensation and experience. Most extroverted type: stimuli bring immediate responses—they find everything invigorating. Lively, vivacious, eager, spontaneous, resilient, cheerful.
Level 3: Easily become accomplished achievers, generalists who do many different things well: multi-talented. Practical, productive, usually prolific, cross-fertilizing areas of interest.
Average Levels
Level 4: As restlessness increases, want to have more options and choices available to them. Become adventurous and "worldly wise," but less focused, constantly seeking new things and experiences: the sophisticate, connoisseur, and consumer. Money, variety, keeping up with the latest trends important.
Level 5: Unable to discriminate what they really need, become hyperactive, unable to say "no" to themselves, throwing self into constant activity. Uninhibited, doing and saying whatever comes to mind: storytelling, flamboyant exaggerations, witty wise-cracking, performing. Fear being bored: in perpetual motion, but do too many things—many ideas but little follow through.
Level 6: Get into conspicuous consumption and all forms of excess. Self-centered, materialistic, and greedy, never feeling that they have enough. Demanding and pushy, yet unsatisfied and jaded. Addictive, hardened, and insensitive.
Unhealthy Levels
Level 7: Desperate to quell their anxieties, can be impulsive and infantile: do not know when to stop. Addictions and excess take their toll: debauched, depraved, dissipated escapists, offensive and abusive.
Level 8: In flight from self, acting out impulses rather than dealing with anxiety or frustrations: go out of control, into erratic mood swings, and compulsive actions (manias).
Level 9: Finally, their energy and health is completely spent: become claustrophobic and panic-stricken. Often give up on themselves and life: deep depression and despair, self-destructive overdoses, impulsive suicide. Generally corresponds to the Bipolar disorder and Histrionic personality disorder.
Cause its a New Day.
Everyday we are given a fresh start. We wake up to God's love, His mercy, His grace. He gives us a clean slate and says--go be what I have made you to be. Rejoice and live fully. Live wholeheartedly. Let God's love change you! Draw near to HIm. Seek his presence. Be the person YOU WANT TO BE. Figure out who you are. It's never too late to be the person you "would have been." Don't live in fear, live in freedom, courage, and trust.
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