Loving People the Way Christ loves Each of Us.

How does Christ look at me?
How should I look at other people?

Learning to listen. Learning to rest. To be still. To be to the point when talking.

What am I really trying to say?
Do I need tell you this...that?

"Only when you listen, you can create."
"A man's silence is wonderful to listen to."
"...the best way to serve the world is by following your own bliss and listening to your own heart."

Listen to the inner light;
It will guide you.
Listen to the inner Peace;
It will feed you.
Listen to the inner Love;
It will transform you,
It will divinise you,
It will immortalise you.

Discernment is learning to listen to and trust your natural knowing.

The most called-upon prerequisite of a friend is an accessible ear.

True silence is the rest of the mind; it is to the spirit what sleep is to the body, nourishment and refreshment. ~William Penn


An inability to stay quiet is one of the most conspicuous failings of mankind. ~Walter Bagehot

Listening is an attitude of the heart, a genuine desire to be with another which both attracts and heals.

Discipline. Structure. Commitment.

Somethings are just plain hard for me. Things that I don't want to do. Doing what needs to be done and not what I want to do....like right now when I should be studying.

I am feeling so free today having not taken my medicine. I do have to question whether or not it is ok to be so dependent on caffine. But that is also something I can work to cut down on over time I guess.

I am learning and growing a lot. And its good that I am pushing myself and not being complacent. Living a life that is all over the place.

I think we need some element of disciple. We need time for God to have open doors but we also need structure too I think.

I'm excited to see where this next year takes me :)

Adderall, Addiction, Dependence?

I. Am I an addict? Defining addiction
A. Pleasure and enjoyment originally sought—Initial phase
B. Involvement becomes needed to feel normal
C. The addictive cycle
1. Emotional addiction
a. Emotional or social comfort or excitement
b. Feels better for a time
c. Uncomfortable situation or wants stimulation—unthinkingly connects
relief with the act
2. Mental addiction
a. Needs to cope with emotions
b. Collected friends who also like to do the act
c. Fit in socially, needs to commit act
3. Phsical addiction
a. Body and mind become addicted
b. Tolerance more stimulation
c. Perform act more often
d. Guilt, withdrawal
II. My personality—addictive tendencies
A. Exercise/not eating
B. Drinking—not doing well, drinking away pain/not dealing
C. So busy, distracting myself—coping mechanism for not thinking/dealing with things
D. Thriving off adventure; new experiences
III. Types of addiction
A. Abusing alcohol
B. Love addiction
C. Drug addiction
D. Exercise addiction
IV. Connection between addiction and idols
I. Adderall
A.What does the Bible say about it?
B.Giving it away
C.Monitoring my dosage/intake
II. What excites me
A. Adventure
B. People
C. Connections
D. Fun
E. Sports
F. Music
G. Dancing
H. Light
I. Truth
J. Goodness
K. Holy Spirit
V. Everything I need in Christ Alone?
A. Ultimate enjoyment in Christ
B. Not in sports

Under the Mud.

Nobody really likes to go deep. Who wants to stop and look deep within to see what is going on. It’s hard. It hurts. It’s uncomfortable.

But what happens when we don’t--when we live our lives on a surface level, only experiencing things in an external sense and never looking at its effect on us. What happens when we really fail to live? Where is the meaning of life in that?

We must be conscious of our thoughts and actions and of how we live our lives. Is this the life I want to live? Am I being the person that I was created to be? The best person that I can be? It’s hard to discover who you are. I think that it is a life process—something that is always changing and never ending.

We need to be living and learning. We need to be doing. But also at the same time, we need to be constantly evaluating our lives, our actions, our values.

Our lives inevitably affect those around us. Because of our fallenness and brokenness, we are sinful, selfish, and broken people. So often I am trying to fill my own needs that I fail to stop and really think about the needs of others.

I ask that my life would be Spirit-led and not Flesh-led. Christ-centered not self-centered.

Done with the drinking and drugs.

Last drink: Sunday, July 31
Last adderall: Monday, August 1

Drinking causes me to lose myself. My values. Makes me self-focused, not Christ-focused. Violent. Lose my value with men.

Adderall makes me run on false energy. Keeps me up late. Gives me less natural sleep and energy.

Knowing Me.

We are all wired differently. The basis and standards that we live by are specific to each of us. We can't always assume that because something is beneficial to one, it is beneficial to all. Here is a list. A list of what I've come to know and see about myself.

What is good/honest/uplifting/godly for me?
- Talking about my issues/problems
- Quiet time
- Prayer with God
- Good sleep
- Extroverted activites by day
- Introverted activites at night time: guitar, painting, reading, writing, cleaning, movies
- God-focused. Christ focused.
- Love through obedience.
- Family
- Church
- Finding christian community
- Slowing down
- Activity

What is dangerous/harmful/sinful?
- Going out
- People pleasing that puts me in harms way
- Drinking
- Smoking cigarettes/ pot
- Lying
- Cheating
- Manipulating
- Keeping stuff in
- Focusing on myself
- Searching for a husband
- Not eating
- Over indulgance/eating